DWTS X MUPPETS

So I know you've all been wondering...if the Muppets were on Dancing with the Stars, who would they be paired with? Well, call me Deena Katz, because I've paired them based on personality (and yeah, my personal preferences). 

MUPPET: KERMIT

PRO: BRITT STEWART

Starting with our little green friend Kermit--he needs a partner just as lovely as he is. Someone creative, fun, sweet, and patient. A great teacher, who like Kermit is often the voice of reason within a sea of chaotic personalities. And who could be more perfect than Britt? 

These two will be a tough team to beat! 

MUPPET: MISS PIGGY

PRO: BRANDON ARMSTRONG

I considered several pros for the strong, feminine, domineering and demanding Miss Piggy, including Val and Gleb. Finally, I realized that in order for her to be the true competitor she would really want to be, she needed an equally competitive partner who wouldn't waste time on attempted seductions (*cough cough* Gleb). Someone with a strong, funny, firm, sarcastic but supportive personality to handle her diva moments. Thus, I think Brandon is the perfect choice. 

MUPPET: FOZZIE BEAR

PRO: EMMA SLATER

I think of all the Muppets, Fozzie Bear would be the most nervous to learn how to dance ballroom. Sweetly insecure and an absolutely terrible comedian, I could see him having a bit of a rough start. He needs a pro that is patient, uplifting, and focus on building his confidence, rather than trying to get a 10 right away. For this reason, I think Emma would bring out the best in him. She would make sure he has the most positive experience possible, no matter where in the competition they place!

MUPPET: GONZO THE GREAT

PRO: DANIELLA KARAGACH 

Gonzo is a stunt performance enthusiast and self-proclaimed weirdo; which is why I think he and Daniella would make a great pair. Daniella has proven that she can turn any contestant into a winner regardless of their skill level or experience, consistently creating impressive, risky choreography that makes the most of her partner's strengths. I think it would be fun for her to have someone interested in being launched into the air themselves for a change! Gonzo has the drive and open-mindedness to try anything his pro would throw at him, making him and Daniella an excellent match on the dance floor. 

MUPPET: ROWLF THE DOG

PRO: RYLEE ARNOLD

Rowlf is known for being down-to-earth and "a master of the double take", with a self-deprecating sense of humor. I think that would be the most fun to watch in combination with Rylee's goofy, bubbly personality--imagine how cute the rehearsal footage would be! And come on, wouldn't the two of them just look adorable jiving together? 

MUPPET: ANIMAL

PRO: WITNEY CARSON 

Animal is a music-loving beast described as "personifying unbridled appetite." His chaotic personality would be balanced well by Witney's more low-key energy, and because she usually pairs well with strong personalities, I think she would be more than capable of harnessing his spiritedness on the dance floor. She particularly excels at pacing the season's dances with traditional and content-heavy choreography at certain times and performances that focus more on the wow! factor/viral moments to maximize marketability (which usually translates to votes), which might make Animal the best Muppet partner for her. 

MUPPET: PEPE THE KING PRAWN

PRO: CHERYL BURKE 

Pepe the King Prawn is scheming and sassy Latino king prawn--and who dances Latin like no other? That's right y'all: Cheryl Burke! A strict teacher who could turn even Ryan Lochte into a passable lead on the dance floor, Cheryl is the perfect complement to Pepe. I believe under her tutelage, he would become an excellent ballroom dancer, able to perform ganchos with ease...and, you know, get into perfect hold despite having two extra arms. 

MUPPET: RIZZO THE RAT 

PRO: JENNA JOHNSON-CHMERKOVSKIY 

Sly, witty, sarcastic Rizzo needs a partner who can play off his sass and give it right back when necessary. He also needs a pro willing to choreograph less traditional, more out-of-the box material that he can get excited about, an element in which Jenna excels. 

MUPPET: BEAKER

PRO: SASHA FARBER

Beaker is a magnet for disaster; meaning he requires a pro with endless patience and a gentle teasing style. Sasha is well-known for his amiability and positive relationships with every partner. While he has plenty of superstars and high performers as past partners, he also works well with those who are anxious (Suni Lee), are limited due to medical needs (Selma Blair), have little to no dance experience (Jenn Tran) or appear to be lost causes (Alyson Hannigan's salsa, anyone?). With a track record of focusing on personal improvement and a positive journey for his celebrity regardless of leaderboard status, Sasha is an excellent pro for Beaker. 

MUPPET: SAM EAGLE

PRO: PASHA PASHKOV  

Sam Eagle is very Len Goodman-like (a self-proclaimed delegator of disciplined manners and values, represents a conservative, nationalist Puritanism that makes him come off as a snob and a prude), so to me he requires a pro that leans more towards traditional choreography and has a mild enough personality that Sam's intensity won't disturb their dynamic. In my mind, Pasha fits the bill the best. He might also be the only pro who could convince Sam to accept a male-male partnership...

MUPPET: THE SWEDISH CHEF

PRO: ALAN BERSTEN 

Although a huge goofball, Alan is known for being one of the stricter coaches on the show, allowing him to balance out the absentmindedness/impulsivity of The Swedish Chef. The Swedish Chef is also one of the more unpopular Muppets, which would ordinarily be a detriment, but fortunately Alan also has a history of partnering well with difficult figures who have a less-than-stellar reputation (Jessie James and Jamie Lynn Spears to name a few) and helping them improve and advance throughout the competition. Additionally, we know from Ilona Maher's freestyle that "that guy [Alan] loves being lifted". The Swedish Chef is adept at tossing chickens and juggling meat cleavers, so...maybe this is a match made in heaven?

Finally, the judging panel for this season would be as follows: BRUNO TONIOLI (because we've got to keep our Chaos King), SHARNA BURGESS (the queen has returned), and STATLER & WALDORF (bringing the Len Goodman energy).