Holiday Movie Mini-Reviews

Happy Holidays, everybody!

November just sped by--and while life has significantly let me down in many ways (and the horrors will only persist), something that isn't making me want to toss myself out a window is holiday movies. Ah, sweet, peppermint-flavored escapism. 

Friends & Family Christmas - 4.5/5 stars

This 2023 Hallmark movie may or may not be available on Youtube for free. Don't let the fact that it's Hallmark dissuade you--although still as heartwarming and trope-y as any film from the network, its plot and characterization is remarkably sincere, and for the most part, well-acted. It is also one of the few Hallmark movies with queer, interracial main leads.The story focuses on a photographer named Dani who pretends to date a lawyer named Amelia to manage the stress of family visits during Christmas, leading to unexpected real feelings. I especially appreciate that both of the main characters have storylines related to their careers and figuring out what they want out of their lives separate from the romance--not only does it flesh out their characters, it makes the movie more interesting to watch since it's not just the same old, same old (although beloved tropes like Christmas tree shopping and attending a party in fancy dress are still present!). 

A Merry Scottish Christmas - 3/5 stars

This 2023 Hallmark movie is currently available on NETFLIX--and yes, it's Lacey Chabert. Brad and Lindsay are estranged siblings agree to reunite at their mother's castle in Scotland, one she'd kept secret from them throughout their childhood. Once there, they discover a long-held family secret and work to fix the rift between them in the name of family. Although there wasn't anything particularly mind-blowing about this movie, it was nice to see one focused more on family dynamics than romance (although both of the siblings do have love interests). I was a little worried that the vibes would be a little too Folgers Incestuous Coffee Commercial, but I was pleasantly surprised that the sibling chemistry was believable. The conflicts the characters were facing and their personalities seemed more rooted in reality than most Hallmark movies, so if you're looking for ultimate escapism you might not enjoy this one as much, but overall a decent find. Also, there's so much romanticizing of Scottish culture that it might veer into excessive balmorality, so if you find that cringey, maybe steer clear. 

Christmas with a Kiss - 2/5 stars

This 2023 Hallmark movie is currently available on NETFLIX, but honestly, I'd skip it. At first glance, the plot seems innocuous, classic even: a woman returns home to help with her family's Christmas Carnival, and romance ignites. Unfortunately, this movie had a major problem in that it didn't seem to know what it wanted to say--at times it seemed the message wanted to be something along the lines of "family is more important than career", other times "don't judge a book by its cover", at other times "timing is everything in romance". Instead of events building off of one another, plot points bounced around aimlessly, with the narrative justifying one character's choice and then demonizing another character for the same actions. Instead of creating a sense of romantic tension between the two leads, there was a pervasive sense of dislike, judgment, and on the male lead's side, hostility. This wasn't helped by how sweet the third arm of the triangle (another man, a high school sweetheart) was in comparison, although he was eventually villainized for not being sure about marriage, children, and staying in a small town forever (of course our female lead was also introduced to us as being on the fence about these things, but somehow was also desperate to be married with babies by 35?) The worst offense is that after being a self-righteous, judgmental jerk to the female lead the whole movie, the chosen male lead was revealed to have lied about his intentions the whole movie--he was supposedly writing an article to celebrate her family's work but actually wrote a hit piece publicly humiliating them, and then decided last minute to rewrite it--and not only did he not apologize (just tried to brush it off as a "misunderstanding" and that he "didn't mean to confuse her" when no, you lied on purpose and then thought once you changed your mind that you'd just never mention all the horrible things you wrote in your first draft WHICH YOU DIDN'T EVEN DELETE). But they ended up together anyway? And I guess she quit her job and left New York to move home and run the Carnival even though she didn't want to, because women need to abandon their dreams to avoid being alone and childless at 35? I don't know...

Christmas in Notting Hill - 2/5 stars 

This 2023 Hallmark movie is currently available on NETFLIX, but it was another dud. Always too busy for love, famous football star Graham Savoy soon has a change of heart when he meets a visiting American during Christmastime...and it turns out that her sister is dating his brother (who is secretly planning to propose), meaning they will be spending the holidays together. This movie felt like it would have been good if it committed its focus to one lead character's journey over the other--by trying to balance both stories, we ended up with two pretty flat, underdeveloped characters whose problems just seemed to fade away because...well, it's been over an hour and a half, so. The female lead had a LOT going on--lingering grief over her mother's death, uncertainty about taking risks to pursue her career, and friction with her younger sister now that she's no longer the "mom figure" making all her decisions for her--and her storyline being so rushed and underbaked made it harder to sympathize with her. She  seemed bitter, rude, and like she was ruining everyone's time with her snarky comments and negative attitude, instead of like someone in pain. It was strange how the mother's death was hinted to be a factor in her sister and father's characterizations as well only for that piece to be left unresolved and unexplored, as if it was only the female lead’s grief that mattered. In contrast, the male lead's struggle with impending retirement from soccer due to an injury, realizing how his career has distanced him from his family, and managing his own celebrity status now that he's not busy working was swept under the rug when he needed to be the female lead's knight in shining armor and then pulled back out whenever a conflict was needed to drive them apart and/or they needed the audience to believe that they understood each other because they had certain things in common. Although interesting conceptually, neither character felt fully drawn. The movie really didn't do enough to make the story feel meaningful, especially to explain why these two specifically belonged together and what was the magnetic pull tugging them into each other's orbit. 

A Biltmore Christmas - 4.5/5 stars

This 2023 Hallmark movie is currently available on NETFLIX. Now THIS was a good one. I know the plot summary sounds kind of wacky, but stay with me: a magical hourglass sends modern-day screenwriter Lucy Hardgrove to the set of the 1947 holiday movie classic His Merry Wife! However, before she can return to the present, Lucy must make things right or threaten to alter the future forever. The acting in this one was lovely--our main female lead was placed by Hayley from One Tree Hill so you know she can make the wildest dialogue sound natural and engaging, and our male lead perfectly captured the debonair vibe of a vintage leading man, a la Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart. The time travel element made sense (as much as time travel can anyway), the script was reminiscent of a 1940s film, coming off more charming and witty than Hallmark usually attempts (although perhaps that was more of an actor delivery success?). The scenery/set dressing and costuming were beautiful and, for once, period-appropriate in the "past" scenes, making it a visually appealing watch as well as a heartwarming love story. 

A Paris Christmas Waltz - 1.5/5 stars

This 2023 Great American Family movie is currently available on NETFLIX. In this movie, a novice dancer pairs with a professional to take on a Christmas pro-am dance competition - destination: Paris. To be honest, Great American Family (GAF) is a garbage company so it wasn't a total surprise that this movie wasn't good; I just wasn't expecting it to be quite so unsettling. I wasn't bothered by the inclusion of the standard elements for films like these (farfetched plot, boy-meets-girl type of romance, doe-eyed female lead, classic supporting characters like sassy best friend #1 and sage old man), but the charm of these tropes just wasn't there, perhaps due to the overall sense of dread hanging over everything thanks to Matthew Morrison's dead-eyed, grim performance. He genuinely seemed like he was holding back rage during scenes that didn't require it, and other times he seemed more touchy than he needed to be with his costar. I could definitely be projecting, but I felt in certain scenes the female lead looked uncomfortable with how close he was/how handsy he was being. Matthew's character wasn't much better--how do you initiate a kiss with your dance partner and then tell her that you want things to remain professional, and that she shouldn't expect anything romantic to happen between you? Like that was all you, buddy? Dancewise, I will commend the female lead for putting in relatively professional-looking dance performances despite apparently having only 2 weeks of training; although her posture was hunched at times and her technique in the Latin "audition" scene was pretty rough, her ballroom frame and lines actually looked quite lovely. I would have liked more rehearsal scenes instead of the Broadway style musical number on the sidewalk where we randomly burst into song (CRINGE because it only happens once and then we never sing again????) I absolutely hated the choreography for the final dance; you could not see a lot of the moves because of the voluminous fabric of her costume, and the contemporary style just seemed super out of place after we'd spent 95% of the film doing ballroom. There was also a massive amount of girl hate towards the one woman of color in the film with a personality and dance talent--misogynoir, thy perpetuator is Candace Cameron Bure (the stonehearted woman who foisted GAF upon us). 

Meet Me Next Christmas - 3.5/5 stars

In this 2024 Netflix original, Layla faces a series of obstacles during a wild adventure in New York, hoping to snag sold-out Christmas Eve Pentatonix tickets in order to meet her soulmate, only to develop feelings for the concierge helping her. Although the story isn't anything to write home about (and come on, nobody like Pentatonix that much), the message of "your soulmate isn't the richest or hottest or most ambitious guy, it's your ride-or-die who you can be yourself with" is a welcome shift in the rom com universe. Despite being trapped in what is basically a Pentatonix commercial, the cast produce charming, funny, and charismatic performances--my favorite is the montage where the cousin is trying to teach them choreography for the drag show. All in all, not a bad time. 

Hot Frosty- 3.5/5 stars

In this 2024 Netflix original, a woman brings her snowman to life in the hopes of getting through the holiday season, as it’s a tough time following the death of her husband. I KNOW IT'S BONKERS. I KNOW THAT. But it's so unserious, and it's kind of like Elf and Knight Before Christmas had a baby and I liked the lead guy in Schitt's Creek and Lacey Chabert actually has a surprisingly insightful monologue about moving on after losing a loved one, so I'm about it!!! Also whoever decided to cast Doug Judy and Charles Boyle as a pair of small-town sheriffs is a genius, thank you and goodbye. 

The Merry Gentlemen - 1.5/5 stars

In this 2024 Netflix original, to allegedly save her parents’ small-town performing venue, a former big-city dancer who has been fired from her dance gig (for being ~30 years old or close to it, they never said her official age?) decides to stage an all-male, Christmas-themed revue. How a Christmas-only stripper series would produce ongoing, long-term revenue when her parents were so irresponsible they were SIX MONTHS BEHIND IN RENT and didn't do anything to help their own business until their estranged daughter stepped in to do it for them will actually "save" the venue, I will never know. Also, 1) landlords will never be your friends, especially not one heartless enough to keep raising the rent every month despite the rentee not paying it because they're too busy not fixing the holes in the walls/broken pipes and God knows what else, and 2) these Merry Gentlemen should probably be financially compensated for their work if you're going to make $30,000 off of their popping and locking, but whatever. This movie was incoherent because no one's decisions had intention or meaning; things just randomly happened because that was the only way for the movie to continue. Oh, we need a dancer that for some reason can't be me, the professional dancer, because...well I don't even know? The carpenter helping out my parents for free could probably do that, even though we've only traded verbal barbs so why would he suddenly help me and I have no idea if he can even dance. Oh, the routine is missing something? Let's ask the cab driver randomly breakdancing in the diner to join. Oh, you voluntold me to strip for my community to pay your family's debts and taught me a two-step completely irrelevant to the stripping choreography to assuage my stage fright? A necklace of love and promises just for you! The dancing was awkward instead of amusing, and there were never enough attendees to the shows onscreen to justify the amount of money they were supposedly making. Although over 30 in real life, eternally-fresh-faced Britt Robertson was styled to look much younger, with a wig that was giving Kim in Edward Scissorhands in a bad way. Other than the firing scene, in which the lighting and makeup had clearly been chosen to accentuate every single fine line and wrinkle on her face, once she returned to the small town she looked around 20-25 years old in every scene, depending on which circa-2016 style beanie they had her in. Chad Michael Murray's character was hot (although definitely looking too old for how young they had Britt Robertson styled) until he threw a whiner baby hissy fit over his situationship of two weeks accepting a miraculously generous three-year contract to dance in the city that, you know, SHE ACTUALLY ALREADY LIVES IN. And yeah, she should have told those people no, but on principle because they fired her for not being 18 years old, not because some man child with subpar carpentry skills tossed an "all city girls are the same" over his shoulder while Magic-Miking his way out the door. Like girl, screw New York, head to Chicago and Fosse your little heart out. Just a mess, and not even a fun one. 

Our Little Secret - 3.5/5 stars

In this 2024 Netflix original, two exes spend a family Christmas together against their wills after finding out their current partners are siblings. The cast is pretty stacked (Lindsay Lohan, Ezra from Pretty Little Liars, Kristin Chenoweth) and I would say it was much more entertaining than Lohan's last Christmas Netflix offering. Despite the wacky scenerio her character is trapped in, Lohan's performance was grounded and it was easy to root for her. The collapsing dominos of familial chaos was a good choice on the scriptwriter's part; it prevented us from judging the leads too harshly for their lies since everyone else in the family was being horrible to each other in various ways. The story is heavier on the comedy than the romance, which honestly was probably for the best since I don't think the male lead can ever come back from telling the girl to her face that her dead mom would be disappointed in her for going to London to follow her dreams IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AT HER GOING AWAY PARTY (after only proposing so she'll feel pressured to stay, which even his own mother tells him is not the move). I do think the finale to the romance was rushed and some questions were left unanswered but I think it's entertaining enough to be rewatchable, which is always a plus.