February 2022

*Sorry if this post is a massive downer. I'm trying to balance being authentic with being encouraging, but I sometimes in order to circumvent the trap of toxic positivity, you have to acknowledge all of the heavy stuff. I'm sure I will be posting about more frivolous things again soon, but I will continue to hold all these messy feelings in my heart.* 

I was going to post a rant I believe that God gave to me at 2am one night about the nuances of modesty, but at this moment that feels like something better suited for another time. Blogging was hard this month, for reasons that I'm sure you all are aware of in your own lives. It's "everything going on", as people say. 

There's the stuff on a macro scale: five or six or probably more wars/invasions continuing across the globe, the pandemic that continues to bring death and suffering, racism, human rights violations of LGBTQ people and their supporters in Texas, Florida, China, and Singapore. Then there's the stuff closer to home, like my friends who are suffering from illness or undergoing personal trials, my own struggles, etc. Of course I operate from a place of immense privilege, and I'm not going to pretend I don't. 

There's always the sense of not doing enough, and maybe that is equal parts a thorn in one's side and a motivator to keep seeking opportunities or to remain humble. I don't know. There is prayer, but there is also mutual aid/donations and taking the time to learn from people qualified to speak on issues that affect them (and then pay them for their work) and opening one's mind to different perspectives of the same conversation and recycling responsibly and wearing a mask indoors and not attending events and signing petitions and emailing representatives. Maybe all those things are prayer in their own way. But there is more I can and should be doing. 

I try to acknowledge all the blessings in life, like music and good food and enough money to cover my bills and my friend having a baby and hot showers. I really hope that whoever is reading this, you are able to have those things too. I hope you feel safe and protected and loved. I hope if you are struggling with any of those things, you have people by your side who can comfort and support you through it. <3